Stop the Blame & Shame Game
Social media bullying affects thousands daily and can be devastating. Its effects range from shock and rage to depression and suicide. Nasty posts or remarks target you. The shame goes deep and the helplessness feels overwhelming.
Unhook from Blame & Shame Game
Blame and negative judgment happen when someone views you through their personal lens of values, and they label you or your actions as bad. Being on the receiving end, you feel as though their opinion states a truth about you. Yet their view cannot be a “truth” about you, because when someone speaks, they are speaking solely from their inner world. They are actually telling you something about themselves and how they see things from behind their lens. Their opinion, as brutal as it may be, can only affect you if their hook finds a landing site in you.
It is like Velcro. There is the fuzzy matted strip and a strip with tiny hooks. If you have a smooth surface with no fuzzy matting, their hooks have nothing to latch on to. It is the same with judgments about you. It is not what they say or do, but rather you who declares their statement or action as truth about you. It cannot land in you as a “truth” unless you allow it to.
So, how do you stop the blame and shame game?
How to Make Your Shift Happen
- Orient Internally
Practice internal-orientation: listen to yourself and your inner world. When you focus externally – on events “out there”, what others are doing or saying – you have no control. But inside yourself, you have total control. When you experience shame, or any uncomfortable situation, first check internally and focus there:
- Do not react immediately; resist that sense of urgency.
- Take the space and time to deal with what has happened.
- Notice and honor how you feel. Observe judgments that resonate within.
- Work through the parts you believe – on your own, with a friend or therapist.
- Take Back the Reigns of Control
When you are calmer, look at the facts of the situation. What are the circumstances? What action could or should you take, if any? Should you post something, talk to a supervisor, make a phone call to someone who can help? Or would it be best to let the remark speak volumes about the speaker?
Run your ideas by a trusted friend or family member before you take action. Decide what you WANT to do.
- Take Empowered Action
- Do not counter-attack or engage in negativity. With a sharp, internal focus, know your own value and then speak your truth.
- Move forward by choosing only groups that endorse a positive attitude toward self and others.
You have zero control over what others do and say, but you have complete control over how you deal with what others do and say. Your worth cannot be tarnished by the actions of others, online or otherwise. Prioritize your internal orientation, look at the facts, and take action from a place of power.
Stand empowered and rise above, and boomerang that blame and shame right back where it came from.
Core Success’s Leezá Carlone Steindorf is a crisis management expert, an executive coach, and motivational keynote speaker, she has an extensive background in world-class multinational corporations, trade-unions, nonprofits, and educational institutions in over 35+ cultures. With her experience, she helps leaders make a consistent forward movement, especially during the most extreme of circumstances. Contact Core Success today to learn how you can benefit from Leezá’s strategic guidance.